Wow. So, I've had a rash on and off for two months. I took two Benadryl earlier this morning to quell the itching. That was a mistake. About ten minutes into my workflow for CAFF, I bent left at my waist, aiming to stretch my back. During that brief freefall, I went on the ride of my life.
Right now, I'm writing this update and I feel high as a fucking kite, all over Benadryl. I'd thought my tolerance for the medicine would've emboldened over time; I see the medicine is making up for every time I didn't become drowsy in the past. My body kept going. By the time I realized I was still falling, I had just enough of an experience to feel like I'd done a gainer off a cliff, only to never reach the water's surface.
In the moments afterward, I felt as if I were free-falling into oblivion. Try reconciling your body and mind in a way where they'll communicate again after a snafu. Now, add that to a growing list of to-do's, including gathering my crew of over ten, releasing their day-of itinerary, answering any lingering emails (there are many), and writing updates. To say today has been a challenge is apt; after all, I'm fairly doped up by over-the-counter diphenhydramine, and I maintain that maybe I'm still in free-fall.
I submit, maybe the free-falling has to do with the work itself, and little else than that. I am doubtful, as I'm really fighting a nap now. I've been so itchy and careless today, I actually released a picture and text that exclaimed a bunch of articles on my site had been released. To those lost, I'm currently writing one of those articles, and now you're reading it, some three hours after I'd told my audience this article was available.
I blame it on the chaos that seems to come with trying to balance the perfect amount of scratching and making my skin bleed with regret. I've been listening to Demon Days, an album by my all-time favorite not-really-real-but-real-enough band, Gorillaz. I've requested each of the seventeen filmmakers who've made it into our program to send me copies of their films. I see a few in my inbox, and I thank you from the bottom of my shoes.
Despite my eyes trying to close without my permission, I am continually reminded how humbled I am for the experience of hosting an already successful film festival. I've had real traction on my professional pages, real conversations with other filmmakers about their films and minds, and I've been enriched by the bountiful culture in the films we've selected, and rejoice that many of those who will be celebrated at CAFF are women.
I feel a lot of gratitude that more women, intersex, and people of color are part of our landscape in filmmaking; they are making pathways for themselves daily. I hope to be part of their conduit system that empowers all of us to make the weird movie possible, that seemingly tiptoes on that line between a film that services oneself, and a film that is wholly entertaining for an outsider to consume.
I truly believe all of the films we have for CAFF benefit both groups. I thank you again, for submitting your films, four your conversations, for your love and respect and patience while I work on the festival, drawing back your way as I have the emotional energy to answer questions and speak about the merits of your films.
For anyone needing reassurance, or anyone not in the know, my door is open into discussing why your film did, or did not, make the screening list in the festival. Click the email at the end of this sentence with your questions, comments, fears. firstname.lastname@example.org
And, thank you so much for trusting me to tell you my truths and subjections.
The 1st annual Canted Angle Film Festival will be held at the prestigious Lyric Theater in Harrison, Arkansas, and will begin at 6pm. The itinerary is currently being cut, and more info will be presented upon its finish.